Doing OK!

Most of the time as a mother, I feel like I am always falling short of what I should be. I'm sure most mothers feel a lot like I do, that I am never doing enough, and that I will never be enough for my family. Most of the time I am thinking about how I can improve and am seeing all of my millions of weaknesses. But once in a while litte things happen with my kids that make me believe I am doing OK. That maybe they are learning something from our daily devotionals and weekly FHE. Maybe, even though they are rolling all over the ground and sticking their bums in the air, just maybe something is penetrating their thick little skulls.
Lately I have been feeling a lot like I am not doing a very good job. I have been so tired and a little bit stressed and really uncomfortable waiting for this baby to get here. I am so worried I will turn into monster mommy when the baby gets here because I will be trying to adjust. But the last couple of days a couple of things have happened that have made me realize, maybe I am doing a good job! Maybe it is just that they are turning out well in spite of me! So because I have been feeling so inadequete lately I am going to brag for a minute and share some of the good things. Not that it is all me, my kids have the strongest little spirits and I am sure it is mostly all them. But it still makes me feel like I'm doing an OK job, and maybe I'm not the horrible mother I picture myself to be. And maybe the mistakes I make aren't messing them up as badly as I picture. Plus I want to remember the good things they do, and how grown up they are getting. I want to remember the way they are right now, because they are growing up so fast.
The last few weeks Cayden and Emma keep getting dressed up in their Sunday clothes and telling me they are going on a date to the temple. I asked Cayden why they decided to go to the temple on their date and he said "You and daddy go all the time, so it must be really fun and special." It really made me realize how much of an effect it has on our kids when they see us doing what is right, it is so much more powerful than just a FHE lesson on why we do things. When they see us doing what we have taught them to do, that is what makes all the difference. When Cayden was having health problems last fall and we didn't know if he had Leukemia or not, we really needed some extra strength. We made it our goal to go to the temple once a week, and we kept doing that just until the past month when I have been so uncomfortable. I knew it was having a profound effect on me and on my marriage, but I think it also had an effect on our kids. I hope they realized how important it is to Chuck and I, and how much we love it. Yesterday Cayden came up to me and whispered in my ear that he had a secret for me. He said "someday when I meet the girl I am going to marry, on our first date I am going to take her to the temple, because that is you and daddy's favorite date!" it was so cute.
We had the kids decorate their bikes and be in the kids bike parade as part of the Lehi City parade last week. Two things happened that have made me think. First when Cayden found out that it was a contest for the best bike and the best costume he was determined to win. I told him that it doesn't matter who wins that we are just doing it to have fun, his reply "I am not here to have fun, I am here to win." (I guess he got his mom's competitive streak.) Well we got there and Emma won for the best costume, and he didn't win anything. He was devastated, and started crying because Emma had won and he hadn't. He kept asking me "Why did Emma have to win." We had a talk with him about how it is OK to be sad that he didn't win but that he needs to be happy for his sister that she did win, and that we always need to be happy in our family when someone else does something special. He cried for a little bit longer but by the end of the night when we did thorns and roses (a game we play every night, the kids tell one "thorn" or something that made them sad that day, and one "rose" something that made them really happy or grateful) Cayden said that his Rose was when Emma won the costume contest, that he was so glad that she won and did such a good job riding her bike. It made me so happy that he was able to turn around his attitude so quickly and he was realy able to experiance happiness for his sister even though he didn't win.
Also while we were at the parade a little boy a couple years older than Cayden kept coming up to Cayden on his scooter and teasing him. I started listening to their conversation and the little boy said "Well I am bigger than you." Cayden's reply was "Well your spirit isn't bigger than mine." the little boy didn't know what to say so he walked away and left Cayden alone. I thought it was cute that he would think of that!
Cayden has been learning so much lately, we have been memorizing the articles of faith in our family devotional everyday, and he is learning them so quick. He has started asking me questions about the scriptures and remembers the most random stuff from the stories we read. I am so grateful for how he is progressing spiritually and how he is learning to recognize the spirit.
This is just a funny story, but the other day my parents had just gotten home from Mexico and they brought Cayden and Emma Mexican money. Later that day Emma and I were on the porch having a popsicle and Cayden was in the back yard playing. Cayden ran up to get me and said "Mom, come look what I did, it is so awesome." I went back in the yard and Cayden had gotten the shovel and dug up a corner of the yard, including part of the sprinkler system. I was so mad at him, but he didn't seem to understand why. he said "Mom, I just wanted to bury my treasure from grandma, and look I dug the hole all my myself just like daddy does." I called Chuck to tell him and he just started laughing. He told me "Amber, that is just the kind of things that boy's do, I did so much worse things at his age." I guess I need to get used to him taking things apart, diggin holes, and trying to hang his jump rope from the ceiling fan and swing on it like Tarzan.
Emma has actually done really well memorizing the Articles of Faith as well, I have been shocked at how quickly she has been able to memorize them. The other day Emma said "Mom, I can't wait to be a mommy." I told her she would be such a great mommy someday and she said, "I will be just like you, I will get to give my babies hugs and kisses, and read to them and play with them, and make them food, it will always be so fun all the time." I'm glad she thinks I am always having a good time, It made me realize that I need to have a better outlook on the day to day things that I do with my kids. Not look at it so much as work and things I have to do, but enjoy all the special moments I have with them.
Emma is very silly, she is also very emotional. She has only two settings, she is either very hyper and bubbly and laughing, or she is crying and upset about something. The other day she literally cried for an hour because she couldn't decide which swimsuit she wanted to wear. She is so excited for the baby to come, she talks and sings to my tummy all the time and every moring she comes and gives me a hug and then gives my belly a hug and tells the baby to come out soon. She also prays at night that the baby will come out soon.
She has the cutest little laugh that she does when she says or does something that she thinks is so funny. She is always laughing at herself, she really thinks that she is hillarious. She loves to dance and is always shaking her bum. The other day she noticed a couple of girls watching her at the park, so she started dancing and twirling and showing off for them.
Emma loves her brother so much, he is so sweet and kind to her. They are always cuddling and giving each other hugs. When I ask them who their best friend is they always say each other. When we talk about moving next year Cayden will say "I will have to leave all my friends, but it will be OK cause I will still have my sister and my family, we will always be together, so everything will always be OK."
I worry constantly that after this baby comes I won't be a very good mom. I worry about if I can be a good mom to 3 instead of just 2, and wonder if I will be more snappy and stressed when I am so tired and worn out. I'm glad that once in a while little things happen that make feel OK about how my kids are doing. I may not have it all together some day's but at least they know I love them, they are well adjusted and have the funnest personalities, and at least they are learning about their Heavenly Father and they love Jesus and want to be like him. They are the most amazing children. I love them so much. Don't get me wrong, they definatelly have their moments when I do not know what to do with them. But they are so wonderful, and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent them to me, they are probly teaching me more than I teach them.

Summer Fun!

I haven't been posting very often lately, but only because we have been so busy having fun! I have been trying to fit in as much activities as I can with the kids before the baby comes, cause I don't think we will get out much for the first couple of months after she gets here.
The kids favorite thing is to make pineapple popsicles and go lay outside in their swimsuits and eat them. Cayden loves running through the sprinklers, but Emma thinks it's to cold, big surprise. She loves to lay in the sun while he runs in them though. We have also been doing the slip and slide and blowing up the bounce house and I will spray water into it while they jump.
Our other favorite activity is having picnics at the park. We pack a lunch and go eat it at the park probly about 3 or 4 times a week. We found the best park that is far away from the street and is fenced in on all sides and there is never anyone there so the kids get it all to themselves, and I don't have to worry about them running in the street or getting taken.
I have been having a hard time keeping up with them when they ride their bikes since I have started waddling instead of running =) so we have started going over to the the church parking lot (which is across the street) and I sit in my lawn chair and watch them while they ride. Cayden loves to take his ramp over and he could literally ride his bike for hours. We go over for at least a half hour almost everyday. It is really good time for them to get some excercize.
They also love going up the canyon and hiking, lately it has been more like short nature hikes instead of real hiking, but they are still happy. I hate being limited by my pregnant body! They love going up the canyon and after our hikes we will throw rocks in the river. I think they could sit and do this for hours and not get bored! They love to see if they can find a rock big enough that will splash them if they throw it in.
I love these two little kids. They really are my little buddies. I love to spend time with them and do fun stuff. I think I have gotten spoiled having no baby for so long. We can just go and do whatever we want and I don't have to worry about nap time or bottles or diapers. We just go and have fun, and they are usually very good for me. I want to fit in as much as I can with them before Gracie comes. I am so excited to have her, I just know it will be an adjustment going back into baby mode, and we won't be able to do as much fun outdoor stuff together as easily. I am so glad that I don't just love my kids, but I really like them to. I like spending time with them and I think they have the coolest personalities.
Here are just a couple of pictures of what we have been doing. Not only have I not posted but I haven't been taking very many pictures either. I need to do better with that.

I had to include this picture. The other day I came down from taking a shower and Cayden had put on their Jesus cartoon and they were cuddling and watching it together. I hurried and grabbed the camera and snapped a picture. Aren't they so sweet. I am so grateful for the times they are sweet and gentle with one another. I think they fight alot less than same gender siblings, but the older Emma gets they definately have started to have their moments with each other. Emma just thinks she is the boss=) Anyway, I am becoming grateful for the tender moments.

Wakeboarding and Birthday Celebrations

I already mentioned that we went wakeboarding for Chuck's birthday. Here are a couple of snapshots from the day. We had so much fun and Chuck was so surprised and excited that I got a boat for the day for his b-day. He loves to wakeboard, but seems to be so busy that he only get's to go a couple of times a season. He tried his backflip for the first time, and did a great job. He didn't land it, but his goal is to land one by the end of the summer. I am so mad I didn't get a picture of it, he just busted it out with no warning. Cayden gets to start learning this year and got to start by going on Daddy's wakeboard with him. Cayden loved it and was begging to try it himself, so we strapped him into the kids size one and Chuck held him off the side of the boat going like 5 miles and hour so he could get the feel of it. Cayden was in heaven and was mad we wouldn't let him try it by himself the way dad does it. He did really great though and I think he'll be ready to try for real by next summer. Chuck was so glad that Cayden liked it, I think he really wants to be able to do this together as Cayden gets older. Becca and Steve came and joined us for half the day and it was really fun to see them. Emma and Becca just cuddled together at the front of the boat and layed in the sun all day. Emma jumped in for a second to swim but it was too cold for her and she quickly got back in the boat. She hates cold water. I was so sad I couldn't do anything but watch and take pics, but the bouncy boat hurt my belly alot less than I thought it would so that is good. Anyway, it was a great day, and I wish we could do stuff like this more often.

Yuck, can you see how swollen my face is starting to get!









After boating we took Chuck out to dinner for more birthday celebrations. I told him he could choose anywhere he wanted to go, and he wanted Greek food. Isn't he so weird, who wants Greek food. I think he was the only one who enjoyed their dinner, but it was his birthday so I'm glad he got what he wanted, cause that is the only day of the year we will be going to get Greek food! =)
Look how tan we all are from being in the sun all day!

I just got finished doing Cayden and Emma's yearly pictures. I am really happy with how they turned out. I only got to do about half of the locations I wanted because it started raining so I think I will do some more later. They are getting so big. In my favorite one of Cayden I can see a glimpse of him when he is 16, I can't believe he is growing up so fast. I am really happy with how they turned out. These are just a couple of my favorites.


My favorite of Emma! isn't she so cute!











My favorite of Cayden, my hansome litte man!

Happy Birthday Chuck!!!

Yesterday was my hubby's birthday, he turned the big 30! He is a little depressed about being 30 but I think he is more handsome and youthful than ever!! I would have posted yesterday but we were busy boating all day. For his birthday present we got a boat (just for the day!) and went wakeboarding. I could not do anthing in my delicate position, but I got to enjoy the sun and my kids. We had so much fun, and I think he really enjoyed it. He tried a back flip for the first time, and did really good, except he couldn't land it. And Cayden got to start learning to wakeboard and loved it. (pictures to follow) After wakeboarding we took him out to dinner for Greek food, which he has been craving lately, but I don't understand why! Anyway, I want to say Happy Birthday to Chuck by sharing some of my favorite things about him.

1. He is so dang good looking!
2. He is the best daddy ever, our kids adore him and love to spend time with him. He always tries to make it a priority to get one on one time with them. And he is always on the ground wrestling, rolling, or tickling them.
3. He is always looking for ways that he can serve others. Anyone who knows him knows that he will do anything for you, he has such a giving heart.
4. He decided that there is not a lot that he can do to help get this baby here, but what he can do is rub me. so he made it a goal to rub me every night for the rest of my pregnancy. He came up with this on his own, and he is adament about it. He will not let me go to bed until he has given me a massage. He really wants to help relieve some of my discomfort. I think he is so cute for being so faithful and doing it cause he wants to, not because I am forcing him.
5. He loves the outdoors, and being active. I love that we can go boating, hiking, camping, and play sports as a family. He never watches TV or plays video games (thank goodness, because those things drive me crazy.) I love that he would rather be up and doing something active with the family than wasting his time.
6. He makes it a priority to take me to the temple at least twice a month.
7. He is a faithful priesthood holder. I can't even explain what a blessing it is to have a priesthood holder in my home, who can use and excercize his priesthood in our behalf, and who honors and respects the priesthood that he holds.
8. He is always trying to be better. I am grateful that I have a husband who is always striving to improve himself, and who is always trying to be a better husband and father. He has always been wonderful, but the changes and improvements I have seen him make over the past year have made our lives so wonderful. I feel so secure and happy in our marriage and just feel so much gratitude for him everyday.
9. He is a hard worker. He works so hard for our future and to support us. He has had to take on a lot of responsibility in order for me to stay home with the kids. But he has never once said a word about me going to work. He has always been willing to make sacrifices so that I can stay home with our kids, and I am so grateful for the sacrifices he has made.
10. I just want to say that I am so grateful to have a husband who keeps his covenants, is faithful to me, loves and serves me, and who doesn't struggle with any major sins. I have seen the devastating effects of these things in the marriages of some of my close friends. I am so grateful that he is such a good man, and that he desires to do what is right. I guess I can overlook the fact that he doesn't put his shoes away at night, or clean up his crumbs when he makes a sandwich, if that is the biggest thing that bugs me than I am pretty lucky.
11. He has the best smile, he just melts my heart when he gives my the look that is reserved for only me!
12. He is so cute with Emma, he is wrapped around her little finger, and she knows it. She adores her daddy, and he adores her just as much. He is so sweet and tender and gentle with her. I love watching the special bond between them.
13. I also love watching him with Cayden. He loves teaching him boy stuff, and helping him to learn and grow. They are buddies and Cayden loves to spend time with his daddy. I couldn't ask for a better role model for my son.
14. He amazes me with his faith sometimes. His trust in the Lord is astounding. He is always willing to put our lives in the Lord's hands. He doesn't just submit the the Lord's will, but wants what the Lord wants for us, even if it's something difficult. I am so grateful that he always puts the Lord first, and will do anything that is asked of him.
15. When he is home he always helps me, if dishes or cleaning or whatever needs to be done he will always work right beside me until it is all done. He is always looking for ways he can help me.
16. He loves country music, so do I, I'm glad he will listen to it with me.
17. He loves creme brule
18. He loves his family, even though most of them don't really make an effort to have a relationship, he still loves them so much and has such a desire to have healthy, close relationships with them all. He never holds any grudges or restentment for anyone, even when I sometimes think it would be justified, he is just so loving.
19. He loves to have fun and laugh, and is always making me laugh!
20. He still gives me butterfly's. The past year I think we have rediscoverd our love and passion for each other and I still get excited to see him when he comes home. It is never just ordinary to have him walk in the door. I always feel so much joy when I get to spend time with him.


I could list tons more, he really is so wonderful. I know this may sound all gushy to some of you, especially to my sister Amy, who hates it when people just brag about their families on their blogs. But it is his birthday and he does so much for me, he deserves to be bragged about once in a while. I really am so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving, faithful, kind husband. Happy Birthday Baby, I love you so much.