Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot lately about the Lord's hand in our lives. As I look back on the past couple of years I am amazed at how much we have been blessed. There is so much peace in knowing that we are on the Lord's path, and that we are in the right place at the right time. I know we are where we are supposed to be and that we have truly been led to Bloomington.

The past month we have been trying to figure out our summer plans, and we are still not sure where we will be moving in 6 weeks. We are still waiting to hear back from the Law firm in Utah that he interviewed at this past week. There are a couple different options and one of them includes Chuck going to DC without us. Me and the kids would have to stay here in Bloomington because we just don't have enough money to take the entire family. Whenever I think about being apart from him for 12 weeks I get really emotional, and I literally feel sick inside, like I can physically feel a hole in my heart. But then I pray, and I am always overcome with the most amazing sense of peace.

I know that we are in the Lord's hands. I know that he is leading and guiding us and I know without a doubt that he has opened doors for us and that he will do it again. I also know that he can always see the end from the beginning and I can't. If we don't get the internship in Utah and we end up having to be apart this summer, I know that it is for a reason. I know that I will be strengthened, and that I can do things beyond my own abilities when I have the Savior's help. I am so grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful that the Lord has shown me time and time again that he is always watching out for me and that he is always aware of us and our needs.

I feel overwhelmed with gratitude when I look back at all that the Lord has done for us, and when I take the time to count my blessings, for they are many. I have come to have an unshakable testimony that when you turn your life over to the Lord, and ask him to make it what he will, that he will lead you, direct you, mold you, and sanctify you to be what and where you need to be. I am grateful for my learning experiences, the times that I am stretched to become more.

This past 9 months has felt like a time of constant stretching for me. We moved here, and I left all my family and amazing friends. Chuck started school and I was basically a single mom. I missed him so much. My heart would ache for him. On top of that I was homeschooling for the first time and I had a huge learning curve to feel adjusted to it. I still consistently feel like I am not doing a good enough job. It was a huge adjustment for Cayden and has been really hard for both of us. Although, now looking back, I am amazed at how much he has grown. Most nights I put the kids to bed and then have 2-3 hours of prep time for my lessons the next day. Goodbye reading, blogging, photography and all the things I love to do. This first semester of law school was one of the most physically and emotionally demanding times of my life, yet, I felt so strengthened. I literally felt as if the Savior was carrying me each day. I still can't believe how much help, peace and strength that I have recieved.

The past couple of months I have finally felt like I was adjusting to this new lifestyle. So what happens, I got called as the Primary President. MORE STRETCHING! I thought I had no time before, but now I really have no extra time. Chuck and I were laughing the other day because he was complaning that I never have time for him anymore, what a switch. At least I have productive things to keep my busy while he is busy studying all the time. When I really look at it, I am so grateful that I have such amazing oportunities to serve the Lord and my family. It has truly changed me. The things I care about, my priorities, and the relationship I have with my Savior have all changed so much. Yet again, I am amazed at how much the Savior can help me each day. He has directed me, carried me, and made me more than I am. I could not have gotten through the past months without him. Again I have been shown that when I consecrate my life to him, he will lead me, direct me, mold me, and sanctify me.

Anyway, I just feel so much peace right now. I'm excited to find out about our internship and know where we are going to be for the summer. It would be a huge blessing to be in Utah and be able to be around family. The firm in Utah that he interviewed with is the firm we would love to work for after law school. But I also know it would be amazing for Chuck to intern in Senator Lee's office in DC. Chuck would be in heaven (except that he would be away from us). Both are great options, I feel so grateful that we have such amazing options. I also know that whatever happens, we will be exactly where the Lord wants us to be. And that brings me so much comfort, peace and gratitude.